Never Let Me Go
by SierraKeough
Summary: She thought she would never have to see his face again, but when a reunion brings the gang back together, things don't go as they planned.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello. Welcome to Never Let Me Go!**

**Summary:** She thought she never would see him again, but when a reunion backs the gang back together, things don't turn out as they planned.

Haleb, Jaria and eventually Spoby.

There is no A or Alison in this story. Didn't know how they would even fit into the story.

The title was inspired by Florence and the Machine song, with the same name.

**Review Please! I want to know if you guys liked this chapter; and if you have suggestion or questions I will reply to them!**

* * *

**Chapter One**

_Sometimes it feels like yesterday; graduating high school; saying goodbye. The feeling you get at Seventeen or Eighteen that nobody in the history of the world been this close. Has loved so fiercely, or laughed so hard, or cared so much, "Okay, were not going to do this were not gonna get sad, nothing's going to change. We'll all be friends forever. I know it." Hanna said ten years ago. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, and sometimes it feels like someone else memory._

* * *

"How was your run?" Cassidy asked carrying the mail as she entered the apartment she shared with her fiancé.

"It was fine, but I missed you," Her fiancé told her, as he bit into an apple.

"You know how to sweet talk a girl don't you? Anyway look what I found in the mail, it's a letter dated to you from Rosewood High," She replied giving him the letter.

"What does Rosewood High want now?" He asked sitting beside the girl he called his fiance.

"Well according to the letter, it's a high school reunion. It basically says

_Dear Toby Cavanaugh, _

_It seems like yesterday we were teens,_  
_so young and hopeful and full of dreams._  
_It's hard to believe it, but ten years has passed,_  
_so let's reconnect and have a blast!_  
_You're invited to Rosewood High's 10 Year Reunion_

_on Saturday, September 20th_  
_at 7:00 p.m. _  
_ Rosewood High _  
_89723 Lincoln Park Drive _  
_Rosewood, Pennsylvania _

_A light dinner will be served._

"Huh, that seems like fun?" She asked putting the letter down as she stole his apple.

"Yeah a high school reunion does seem fun, going back to a school with people I hardly knew, yeah seems like total fun Cass," Toby responded sarcastically.

"Oh come on I'm pretty sure you want to see your friends, I know you do. Hanna, Caleb, Emily, Aria and Spencer." She answered

"Yeah I do, but going back to that school seems like another life ago," He replied, getting up and leaving.

"Where are you going?" She asked raising an eyebrow as she grew more interested.

"To go pick up our wedding card Cass, I'll see you in a bit," He replied as he gave her a cheek kiss and left the apartment.

* * *

"Spencer!"Hanna called as she sat the a box in the store she was going to open soon.

"Yes Hanna what is it that you need?" Spencer asked coming out of the storage room as she set the last box down in there.

"I left a few boxes in my apartment, so can you grab them if Caleb's not their then just grab the key from under the mat," She explained.

"Got it."

Spencer walked out of Hanna's store as she headed to the parking lot.

"Sorry," She said as she bumped into someone.

"Spencer?" Toby said.

"Hi, how are you doing?" She asked.

"Eh, it;s been good I was just picking up my wedding card," He replied.

"Wedding card?" She asked confusingly as she opened the door of her car.

"Oh yeah, I'm engaged, and we're getting married in a few weeks," He responded awkwardly.

"Oh well I guess congratulations are in order," She said hugging Toby.

"Thanks Spence, so how are you?" He asked he walked into the Papyrus.

"I'm fine, just going to give Han the rest of her boxes for the store opening, and holding up you know. But it's just... anyway I hope you have a good wedding," She answered.

"Look Spence, that happened three years ago, and I understand how your feeling. Here." He said handing her two wedding cards.

"I have to go, but I'll give Hanna her wedding card. It was good to see you Toby," Spencer said getting in her car.

"Yeah it was good to see you too."

Toby hadn't seen Spencer in three years after the incident caused the two of them to split ways, but seeing her face brought back many memories. It had hurt him to see her this way still hurting, but he knew moving on is what he had to do.

* * *

Spencer drove down a familiar road that brought back unexplained memories, as she parked on the street of the graveyard. She got out and started walking to a familiar headstone as she laid flowers on the ground. A head stone that read the inscription which read _You are always in my thoughts, _

_Your love is still my guide, _

_And though I cannot touch your hand, _

_I know you are by my side"_

_"You taught us many things in life That we would have to do But you never taught us how to cope with the hurt of losing you." _

_In loving memory of _

_Shaylene Avalon Cavanaugh _

_August 22nd 2004- October 17th 2012_

"Hey Shaylene, it's me I know it's been awhile but I just couldn't cope with the fact that you were gone. It all seemed normal you know, it feels like yesterday holding you and rocking you to sleep. My Mom used to sing to me, I don't think I've ever told anyone that before, it was like our little secret. But every night she'd come in and she'd tuck me in and she'd sing something, like lullaby's or album rock stuff. And after she was gone I remember lying in bed for the first time and just feeling silence, you know. Then realizing for the rest of my life that it was gone, all her songs were gone, her voice and the way it used to soothe me, just all of it. So I guess I tried to find new songs to fill that quiet, but none of them ever really have. Now she's gone and that your gone... and your dad is gone. There's just silence...There's just silence. I go to the gym of Rosewood high and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be. And so I wish for patience, and grace, and strength to just let him be happy. Mostly I pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what I want. That's the toughest part, letting go, you know? That's the part of grace that really sucks, I have to get some boxes for your Aunt Hanna but I love you and I miss you." She sniffled, getting up and walking away.

She went in her car and started thinking of what her life has come to? The man she loves is engaged, her mother is gone to New York, and Shaylene's death.

She just drove to Hanna's apartment and grabbed the last few boxes and drove back to the store.

* * *

"What the hell took you so long?" Hanna inquired angrily.

"I bumped into Toby who wanted me to give you, your invitation to the wedding, and I went to go visit Shaylene," She replied softly.

"Yeah I know you miss her Spence we all do, especially me being her godmother, but she's in a better place, anyway why did he ask you to give me a wedding card?" She asked.

"He's engaged, his wedding's in a few weeks so he wanted me to give it to you," She responded.

"Are you okay with all this?" She asked fixing the belt on the dress which laid on the mannequin.

"You know to be honest, yes and no. Yes I'm happy he's found someone who complete's him, but on the other hand no I'm not okay. You know we've been though alot over the last few years and him just forgetting all the that and moving on is a selfish thing to do on his part," Spencer said getting up and walking around the close to empty store, which had only a few mannequin's and half empty shelves.

"Spencer, he's just moving on with his life, you can't blame him for that. You don't think he misses Shaylene? Of course he does. She was half of him anyway. He can't just sit and wait forever Spence. We both know that," Hanna said comforting her in a hug.

"I know it's just I miss him like crazy, and I am still head-over heels in love with him. Is that wrong?" She asked.

"Believe me I heard more crazier things then that, but you got to let him move on Spence. You should too, find your other half. It's not crazy for you to feel that. But if that's what's gonna make you try to something bad, I think you should just let the feelings go. It's the best thing to do."

"I don't want to move on, what don't you get Han? Toby is my other-half. Seeing him with someone else, is something I can't do. I'm Twenty-Eight years old and I never felt so alone in my life. You know what I'm going home. I'm sorry." She replied; walking out of Burberry.

* * *

Spencer entered her apartment dropped her bag, removed her shoes and grabbed a tin of chunky monkey as she channel surfed as she sat on the couch before settling on 'Boy Meets World' but it was no use. She couldn't remove Toby out of her brain, no matter how hard she tried. It was just impossible to remove her ex-boyfriend and his news out of her head.

She walked over to the only box she hadn't unpacked, at least she couldn't bring herself to. She knew that the painful memories that laid in that box.

She opened it and realized it just brought her to tears, as she took out the things that laid in the box. Pictures, anniversary cards &amp; gifts, letters she wrote to him over the summer vacation she went to but never sent any of them. Prom tickets, movie tickets and just other small items that reminded her of Toby.

"God what did I do?" She thought to herself.

"I have to fix everything," She said getting up and walking out.

**Review what do you guys think of this chapter? I know it's long and may things are confusing but they will be answered thought the story. So let me know what you think? **

**Sierra Keough. **

**PM me or leave me anything you need answered in the reviews or in my inbox. I'll answer them!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:I'm so sorry I haven't updated this story in a while. **

**So enjoy the chapter below.**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

"I've got to go fix everything," Spencer said getting up and walking out.

She walked casually to the Rear Window Brew, and straight up to Toby's loft. She stood there wondering if she would knock on the door, she has also considered just leaving but she knew she couldn't. She felt she needed answers so she knocked on the door.

"Hi?" Cassidy asked. Spencer stood in front of the brunette girl. Taken back at the women in front of her. She looked at the engagement ring that sat on her finger. _That could have been my ring._ She thought.

"Hey, I was wondering if I could speak to Toby?" She asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry you just missed him. I can tell him you stopped by if you want?" Cassidy inquired.

"Yeah could please just tell him Spencer Hastings needs to talk to him," Spencer said.

"Sure, would you like to come in?" Cassidy asked.

"Ah no, sorry I can't I actually have to meet my friends downstairs," She replied.

"Okay well bye." Cassidy responded.

* * *

Caleb and Toby both sat in the nightclub/bar_ Lime Rack._ The fanciest most chic hip bar in Rosewood.

"So Toby your wedding is happening in three weeks. Just think in three weeks you'll be married and have a wife, but on a more serious note have you even talked to Spencer at all?" Caleb inquried as he drank his beer.

"Yeah, I've seen Spencer, I gave her an invitation to my wedding, but about what happened between us three years ago and Shaylene's death, we haven't talked. I guess it's just better for us not to open that door," Toby explained.

"Right, are you scared to tell her how you feel about her and that incident? You two need to talk about what happened back there, because it's just going to haunt you." Caleb said.

"But how am I suppose to talk to her about this, every time I try she shuts that chapter of our lives down," Toby declared.

"That up to you on our your going to talk to her about that situation." Caleb replied.

"Enough about me, what's going on between Hanna and you? Speaking of marriage when are are you to going to tie the knot?" Toby answered.

"Her birthday's around the corner she going to be 29 soon, I'm going to ask her to marry me!" He responded.

"That's great man," He said.

* * *

Spencer entered _Burberry _and sat down on the couch that laid in the store. Hanna had walked out and saw her friend.

"Hey Spence, you don't happy? What's wrong?" Hanna asked, sitting beside her friend.

"I haven't been happy for a while now. Three years to be exact. I went over to Toby loft and guess who opened the door?" She asked.

"His fiancée?" Hanna took a guess.

"Correct, so she opened the door, and I asked for Toby and she said I had missed him, and she asked me if I wanted to come in. I honestly thought she was going to be a complete bitch, but she isn't." Spencer explained.

"It's funny how she's a brunette too," Spencer continued.

"Damn Toby definitely has a type," Hanna murmured to herself.

"Have you two even talked after you know what happened three years ago?" Hanna inquried.

"No, I saw him the other day but I don't want to go down that road again," Spencer answered.

"Well your gonna have to," Hanna replied.

"What's going on between Caleb and you? When are you to gonna get married?" Spencer said.

"I don't know soon I hope," She said happily.

"Have you spoken to Aria in awhile?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah, she actually called me yesterday. She's going to fly in for the reunion tonight. Ezra, her, and James. It's going to be fun having the gang back together," Hanna explained.

"It's okay you can always ask one of your exes to go with you?" Hanna replied.

"I don't need a man to make me happy!" She shouted leaving.

* * *

Emily had hired a new guy named Chase who was going to help around the shop, when she wasn't there.

"Okay so this is the coffee machine just dispense the coffee and the one on the right dispenses the cream," She explained to him, as she showed what to and what not to do.

"I got it Em, I've made coffee before. I owned a coffee shop last year The Brew Palms_._ I suppose you've heard of it," He said laughing

"Ha ha, I know I've tasted your company's coffee and it's not that good so don't get ahead of yourself Chase," Emily answered.

"Alright Fields I get it,"

"I need you to cover a shift for me tonight since I'll be going to my high school reunion," She responded.

"Will do so," he said smiling.

* * *

Cassidy had given Toby the message Spencer needed to tell him.

"Hey Tobes, earlier today a women stopped by the apartment her name was Spencer Hastings and she wanted me to tell you she needed to talk to you? Should I be worried?" She said giving him the cup of coffee she had made him.

"No, you shouldn't be worried. Did she say what she needed to talk to me about?" He asked.

"No she just wanted me to tell you that," Cassidy said.

"Okay. I've got to go get ready for the reunion. Are you going to come with me?" Toby inquired.

"No, it's your high school reunion. I don't want to intrude. You go and have fun babe, I'll see you tonight," Cassidy replied.

"You won't be intruding besides I want to show off my fiancée," Toby responded.

"Well I guess we have a reunion to get to!"

* * *

Spencer knew she lied to Hanna about needing a man to make her happy. Truth was she did need a man to make her feel a way she hasn't felt in a while. But the only man to ever make her feel that was Toby. It was no use because three weeks from now he'd be married, and she definitely didn't want to become a home wrecker and have both Cassidy and Toby hate her.

She needed some coffee and walked right into the Rear Window Brew. She was actually thinking of ditching the reunion at this point. She was going to have to put on a facade which wasn't hard for her since she has done it her whole life. But seeing the man she loved with someone was just her breaking point. Although they had broken up three years ago, never means for Spencer at least that she'd never stop loving him. He was her complete match. He was the only person believe it or not to make her feel happy again, and not to mention that they shared a child together.

"Hey, can I get a coffee make it black and strong please," She asked Chase.

"Coming right up, so going though a bad breakup huh?" He inquired making her coffee.

"I'm sorry if this sounds rude but since I don't know you I don't want to talk about it," She scoffed.

"Alright I completely understand, that'll be three dollars and twenty cents," He replied.

"Yet again that may not be a bad thing," She said paying him.

"What's not a bad thing?" He asked getting more interested.

"That I don't know you. You see the thing is I have a high school reunion to get to but I'm contemplating whether to go or not. I definitely don't want to see my ex-boyfriend who I'm still in love with, and his completely beautiful brunette fiancee. It's just going to shred me into a million of pieces. I'm just not ready to see him move on. I know I know that's pretty selfish of me," Spencer responded wrapping her hands around her Styrofoam cup.

"I get what your going though believe me, my ex-girlfriend was the women I thought I was going to marry and have a life with, but clearly she didn't feel the same way about me. She cheated on my with her ex-fiance, and I'll always still love her I mean she gave me something special in my life," Chase answered.

"It's different your ex-girlfriend cheated on you with her ex fiance, while my ex-boyfriend is getting married to his new fiance Cassidy," Spencer scoffed.

"Wait did you just say Cassidy? As in Cassidy Dunlope?" He asked.

"I don't know her last name I just know she has brown hair, blue green eyes and is wearing the engagement ring I was suppose to have," Spencer said.

"Well do you want to go to your reunion now? Like with me maybe?" He asked.

"Are you asking me out on a date Chase?" She questioned.

"Sort of, but as a friend," He said.

"Well then I'd love to come."

* * *

20 minutes later..

"Where the hell is Spencer?" Aria said to Hanna.

"I don't know probably sitting in her apartment watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S and eating tins of Chunky monkey, and deep down even if she won't admit it. I know she still loves Toby, but I feel she needs to leave the Toby train and move on," Hanna replied.

"It's not that easy though Han, they shared a child together, it's not easy for her to let go of that void. The space that was once filled with love from her boyfriend and her daughter," Aria explained.

She tapped Hanna's hand gesturing her to look towards the door, where she saw Spencer and a really cute guy.

"Hey Aria, oh my gosh. It's so good to see you again. Where's your husband and son?" She asked.

"Oh Ezra is with the guys, and James is with Mike and Mona so god help me," She answered.

"Guys this is Chase um what's your last name? Cunningham. Guys this is Chase Cunningham. Chase this is Aria Montgomery, Hanna Marin, Emily Fields and Cassidy," She said introducing them.

"Chase I asked you to watch the store?! What the hell?" Emily declared.

"You to know each other?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah, she's my boss." He said nervously.

"Okay well, Emily don't blame Chase. I'm the one who asked him to come with me. It's my fault," Spencer responded.

"Chase!" Cassidy said.

"Cassidy what are you doing here?" He asked.

"Well I'm here with my fiance actually. He's here somewhere. How are you doing?" She asked.

"Like you even care Cass," Chase hissed.

"I do care about you okay, clearly you didn't get the memo of us just being friends," She replied.

"If you think I'm here to win you back. I'm not," He scoffed.

* * *

Spencer sat at the bar where she had shots of tequila lined up on the counter.

"Keep em' coming," She told the bar tender.

"Whoa, slow down there. I think you had to much to drink," Toby said sitting beside his ex-girlfriend who he still loved.

"Toby don't tell me when I've had to much to drink okay. Why are you even here. Shouldn't you be with your fiance?" She said.

"Cassidy actually went to go say hi to an old friend, and I thought I'd do the same. Spencer what's going on with you? You haven't touched a drink since her death," He softly spoke.

"It's okay you can her name, and I just thought I'd try something new," She replied.

"Well you could try something other than drinking Spence, it's not something you'd do. I know your strong, intelligent, sophisticated, and beautiful. For hell you could jump out of a plane, but something other than drinking Spence. Remember how you over came that. I know your better then this," He spoke.

"Why her, why out of everyone in the world you chose Cassidy? The smart, beautiful, blue eyed girl," She asked.

"I chose her because I love her Spence. Getting married is something nerve racking for me, I didn't think I'd marry Cassidy, but being with her made me fall in love with her. I knew that we were so alike, but so different," He explained smiling.

"Imagine that. You don't get it do you? I know you still love me Tobes. You always have and always will. So what we had wasn't special. Okay Toby if you say that," Spencer hissed.

"I love you as a friend Spence, but there is no going back I'm sorry. It hurts me to see you like this. It's not what I want," Toby said.

"It's not what you want?! Let me tell you something, what we had was special Toby you and I both know that. You can hide your heart, but your not very good at it. We had a child together Tobes. It was half of me and half of you. You can't tell me you don't miss her. She was something special. We had promised to love each other forever," She responded.

"I do miss her everyday and I live with that guilt in me that I could have done something to save her. Spencer we've both moved on. You with that new coffee tender guy and Cass and me," He said.

"Whatever and FYI he's just a friend. I don't blame you for her death and neither did she okay? She loved you, like I did," Spencer replied.

"I should get going, Cass is waiting." Toby said.

"Right okay, before you go I need to tell you this, "Nobody ever forgets their first love," She answered walking away.

* * *

**Review. Let me know what you think? Cassidy and Chase yikes!. Do you want more Chase? I'll update next Friday. Until then tootles my lovely friends. **

**Sierra**


	3. Chapter 3

Spencer beat Hanna home from the game. She realised that they'd probably go out after, those four amigos, Hanna, Emily, Aria and Cassidy, to get a drink at Monchelos or a dessert in the town, to toast her engagement and, concurrently, their newfound friendship. It didn't surprise her that she no longer felt as bitter about their burgeoning relationship as she had at the beginning of the night.

She stood in the middle of Hanna's condo – no, it didn't quite feel like Spencer's too, not yet – and thought, long and hard.

She took a deep breath, let it out, and abruptly flung her heavy bag onto Hanna's polished wood floors, where its contents (CD demos, a copy of Sharks, / various crumpled press releases and, bizarrely, a piece of stale toast that she'd forgotten to eat that previous morning) spilled everywhere. What? She wanted to scream. What am I doing, what do I want, what is happening, what does everybody want from me?

Think rationally for once, she told logically and calmly and leave your feelings for Toby out of it. For including any mention of those emotions in her thought process was a certain way to unequivocally exclude rational or logical thinking.

Toby had Cassidy now. It was one of those unavoidable, inconvenient truths. And Spencer, even with all her powers of persuasion and the obvious power that she still had over Toby, had to accept that.

Whether Toby was mistaken about his feelings towards Cassidy remained to be seen. But for now, Spencer had to stop the sabotage. Tonight when she was stuck in the library, she had realised that Cassidy, though unnatural and different and just wrong for Toby, was nevertheless in love with him. And Spencer appreciated now that Cassidy was also a real person, with feelings, and emotions. Like Hanna had said, if the roles were reversed, Spencer could understand how unfair her treatment of Cassidy had been

Plus, she now felt ashamed of the way she had spoken to her. If she knew anything at all, it was that Cassidy right at that moment would probably be giving Toby a blow-by-blow account of Spencer's behaviour at the library, and her humiliating mistake about her dead father. To continue her tirade against Cassidy would lead to Spencer's image being further sullied in Toby's eyes, and that was just too embarrassing to consider. So, what now? Spencer mused. If not Toby, why am I back in Rosewood?

* * *

"You need something to take the edge off," Hanna had suggested the following evening, doling chocolate-chip ice cream into two bowls with her blue eyes narrowed suggestively. "You know what's the best cure for a broken heart, right?" "Hanna - ," Spencer had begun warily, knowing where this was headed.

"Sex," declared Hanna, finishing a spoonful of ice cream with relish and smacking her lips triumphantly. "I've got it all figured out. I have dibs on the new bartender boy at Oak because, well, I saw him first, but he's bound to have an equally yummy friend who would be more than happy to take you back to his house after our double date and make you forget _allll _ about old Toby. You'll stop moping about Toby, I'll get to go on a date with Chase, it's a win-win for us both!

"Hanna -," Spencer interjected yet again, half-laughing, but her imaginative best friend wasn't , either that or I call up Jake Gyllenhaal, he promised me he'd make the visit down from New York sometime soon, and between you and me, he's known to be a liiiittle bit on the looser side when it comes to - "Hanna!" Spencer said for the third time, more forcefully, and the blazing look in her eyes stunned the brunette into silence. "I'm not having sex with anyone right now. Not yet."

"Not even Jake Gyllenhaal?" Hanna asked in a small voice.

Spencer, who had never quite understood the actor's appeal, shook her head grimly, and the two friends ate their ice cream in silence.

Hanna was right in a way though, Spencer thought later, perhaps in a more optimistic mood after a full helping of chocolate-chips. Definitely not about the sex part, but Spencer did need something extra to take the edge off. Something to fill in all the other time in which she would usually be thinking about him. She had work, and friends, and music, but she also had a little secret void in a little secret spot in her heart, in the place where Toby usually live and somehow, although it hurt, although it cost her more than she would care to admit, she was going to fill it, because this shell of a person she had become was no longer a genuine, or sincere, or viable version of herself.  
She was going to take back the part of herself that Toby had uncaringly stolen, indifferently stamped on and maliciously thrown away, and become a person she was proud of.

* * *

After the reunion and the simultaneous library debacle, Cassidy sat on her side of the bed in Toby's house, brooding, and twirling her engagement ring around and around her finger. Actually, she wasn't really sure if it was her side of the bed or not. Now that she thought about it, she didn't seem to have a permanent side. Her and Toby would throw themselves, (or each other, she remembered nostalgically), onto whichever side of the bed was there at the time. She wondered if Toby had a side when he slept alone, or whether he stretched out, snow angel-style, his lanky form sprawled across the whole mattress. For a moment, she wondered sickeningly whether Toby had slept with Spencer in this bed. Of course he would have. Had Spencer had a side? She shuddered .

Cassidy heard Toby's car pull up in the driveway. They never seemed to go anywhere together, Cassidy mused. Sure, they were together once they got to the destination, but one of them always had something before or after which required them to take separate cars. Toby, usually. And as much as Toby tried, she couldn't quiet the little voice of doubt in her _Toby want to keep his independence,she asked, and how often does he sneak off to see Spencer in that car?_

Toby walked in through the bedroom entrance. He looked windswept, spinning a basketball and wearing a small smile. Cassidy knew if she approached him she would smell sweat and scruffiness mixed with a little jewel of pride at the Reunion. But instead she stayed where she was, twirling and twirling and twirling the ring. "I'm only going to ask you this once," she began, not looking at him, looking at the floor

"Seems to be a common occurrence these days," Toby tried to joke, but immediately became somber when he saw how high his fiance's eyebrows rose. He dropped his ball and sat beside Cassidy on the bed.

"Did you propose to Spencer?" Cassidy asked, and her eyes met Toby's for the first time.

Toby was caught off-guard. His eyes widened, and he drew in a sharp breath. Cassidy knew the answer to her question before he spoke."And where did this come from?" Toby asked slowly.

"Spencer said it," Cassidy said. "Well, sung it to me, actually," – she shook her head impatiently at Toby's confused expression - "and she denied it later, so I don't really know what to believe, and I'm certainly not going to trust anything that she says, but if it's true, then that means you didn't tell me that this ring was Spencer's before it was mine, and I'm really not going to have yet another one of Spencer's second-hand throwaways," She finished breathlessly. She was close to tears for the second time that evening. It suddenly struck her how many things, previously possessed by Spencer, were now in her life. Spencer's friends. Spencer's home town. Spencer's old school. Toby's book about Spencer. Toby, in actual fact. And now, apparently, the ring Spencer rejected.

She felt like everything in Toby's room, from the various photographs of the brunette still dotted on the bookshelves, to the deep, comfortable, secret recess of Toby's bed, were screaming out Spencer, Spencer, Spencer,and it was getting harder and harder to drown out that incessant chant.

"Cass. Please," Toby began, but Cassidy was too overcome with tears to listen, and collapsed into Toby's arms."I _did_ propose," Toby said, more to justify his actions to himself than to explain to the now-sobbing Cassidy. "More than two years ago, Cass. But she said no. She didn't say yes, like you did. The ring was never hers. It was my mom's, and now it's yours. Please. I did propose, but it didn't mean anything to Spence. And it didn't mean anything to me."

Cassidy didn't respond, but continued to shake with tears.

"It didn't _mean_ anything," he repeated fruitlessly.

And immediately, unintentionally, irrationally, an image of the sixteen-year-old Spencer, wide-eyed, and idealistic, and achingly beautiful, sprang uninvited into Toby's mind.

"Of course it did," the teenage Spencer whispered, self-conscious of her confession, yet defiant in her conviction, her mocha blazing into his own.

And transcending the time that had elapsed, and ignoring the history that had passed, and disregarding the assurances that he had said and repeated to all those around him, Toby knew that what she spoke was as true six years previously as it was at that precise moment. _Of course it did._

* * *

Jogging was the extraordinary outcome of Spencer's identity crisis of the other night. Sure, it was about as un-Spencer-like as you could possibly get. But, as Spencer continually reminded herself, I haven't been that Spencer in three years. And she thought that some exercise, with the high of the endorphin, might be just the thing to fill in the gaping hole called Toby.

Hanna was positively incredulous when Spencer first stepped out in a pair of gym shorts, jogging shoes and a baggy Led Zeppelin t-shirt, with her wavy brown hair pulled back in a – gasp! – high ponytail.

Finally recovered after choking on her cereal in shock, Hanna asked the most obvious question that came to mind.

"Spence, you look cute. Don't worry about that. But – sorry – when have you _ever_, like _ever_, in your whole life, done any exercise?"

Spencer pouted. Sure, it had been a while, but there must have been at least one sport in her 28 years that she had excelled at. But what?

She had skived off almost every P.E. class, citing 'female trouble', and gone to the Mall with Hanna. She couldn't catch a basketball, let alone aim it into a tiny hoop. She used to go swimming in Alex's pool when they were dating, but mostly they just ended up making out in there. Toby had begged her in their senior year to join him on his daily jog to the gym, but she had consistently declined.

"I'll get sweaty enough with you when you get back, and we won't even have to leave my bedroom," she would say in a husky voice, wiggling her eyebrows. And with that, Toby would run out the door and complete his circuit at a near sprint.

Back in Hanna's kitchen, back in reality, Spencer shook out the painful memory. She needed to stop reminiscing about Toby.

"Cheerleading," she declared definitively, with a hint of desperation. "I was a cheerleader. Cheerleading's exercise."

There was a long pause. Then Hanna scoffed.

"Honey, you were, like, _the_ worst cheerleader known to high school. You basically got into the team because you were the best friend of the cheer captain. Please tell me you're going on something better than that," she chortled, now giddy with amusement.

Realising she was never going to win this argument, Spencer shot a contemptuous look at Hanna, turned on her heel and stalked out the front door.

"All I'm saying, is maybe keep the emergency services on speed dial, okay?" Hanna called after her, still laughing.

* * *

Somewhat surprisingly, given Hanna's predictions, running came rather smoothly for Spencer. It was all in the breathing, she thought, and the steady pounding of each foot on the ground, _left_, _right_, _left_, _right_. There was nothing quite like it.

Once she leveled into a certain pace, and felt the wind on her cheeks, and cranked up her iPod, Spencer soon discovered she could forget all of her problems, and just _run. _It was exhilarating.

But of course when she would return back to the house and hear Hanna recount all of her inane dealings with Caleb for that particular day, or when she inadvertently ran past Toby's house and saw him through an open window laughingly accept a sip of Cassidy's wine, all of her anxieties and frustrations came flooding back as if they had never left.

* * *

In his eyes, Toby was _getting_ _back to his roots_. He would throw on his old grey hoodie, pick up a basketball, and head for the Basketball Court after dark, dribbling the ball nonchalantly on the sidewalk.

Under the stars, moon, and, inevitably, the blaze of the Basketball Court floodlight, Toby felt as though he could _think_, which was exactly what he struggled to do every time he sat in front of his glaring laptop screen.

He hadn't seen Spencer in a few weeks, although both Hanna and Emily verified that all was progressing smoothly in the life of their favourite Hastings. Her store was going exponentially far, they gushed, and she was settling in without a hitch to her new home with Hanna. (Toby, too, had heard their cute-as-pie message-bank greeting, and secretly agreed that there was nothing quite as endearing as hearing those two girls bicker and giggle on a recording for two minutes).

Something puzzled him, however, and even Toby, master novelist and careful scrutiniser of thought and emotion, hated to admit it to himself.

Ever since Spencer had moved back to Rosewood, he'd gotten used to seeing her flash of brunette hair tilted towards him whenever he went out. He'd felt with a quiet pride Spencer's eyes following him wherever he walked. Without acknowledging her eyes burning into his own, he had known with a secret certainty that Spencer was watching him. He would never admit it, but he relished in the feeling of being wanted, and, even more shamefully, enjoyed denying Spencer exactly what she so blatantly desired.

But now Spencer had virtually disappeared, and Toby missed the sidelong glances and blazing looks. He had Cassidy, sure, and although he was certain of his feelings towards his fiancée, he found that her attention didn't interest him quite as much as Spencer's did.

Truthfully, Toby had begun to miss Spencer again. In mere weeks, Toby had once again begun a never-ending cycle of yearning, of thinking constantly about one person, and of wanting to be wanted: that ominous trifecta of bad habits which he had trained himself long ago to suppress.

* * *

Cassidy saw Toby's night-time basketball forays quite differently. She was convinced there was something he was not telling her. _Sneaking out_, she believed. _Emotional affair_, she suspected. And so she would call him on it.

Of course, outwardly, to any objective observer, Toby was doing little more than some night-time exercise. But Cassidy couldn't help but think that with every step he took, every shot he threw, every rush of that evening breeze, he was pulling further and further away.

* * *

So while Toby and Cassidy jumped headlong into a pattern of arguments, passive-aggressive accusations, reluctant apologies and half-hearted forgiveness, Spencer was building herself back into a semblance of her normal self. Life could never be entirely normal for Spencer Hastings – that generally won't be possible when you have a multimillionaire best friend,an lawyer lifelong career, and are a central character in, arguably, the most popular novel to ever come out of Rosewood – but Spencer relished in taking control of the few things which mattered most to her.

Perhaps it was the near-constant jibes about her work life that Spencer endured ever since she returned from LA – _Spencer Hastings, unemployed;_ _everybody fails, just look at Spencer_ – but even the smallest win became to her a proud victory.

When Spencer paid back Hanna all that she owed, plus interest, she knew she was doing something she loved which was also financially rewarding. It felt good to _prove her right._ And, to top it all off, when Mona came back into town for that brief and dramatic visit, Spencer realised that, at the very least, she wasn't _quite_ the most fucked-up school-leaver in their graduating class.

"We've got that to be thankful for," admitted Hanna dryly, and they clinked wine glasses and toasted with gusto.

* * *

Hanna sidled up to Spencer in their living room a week later. Spencer was lying on the couch, reading a new novel, written – shock horror! – by someone _other_ than Toby Cavanaugh.

"No more _Sharks_?" Hanna asked, in mock dismay.

"I thought I'd try something new," Spencer replied. "Besides, I'm a bit over romantic fiction."

"Fiction, huh?" said Hanna.

Spencer nodded. Hanna cleared her throat awkwardly.

"So, S. Hastings, I've been meaning to ask you about this new _leaf_ you've turned over," said Hanna, and she sat down next to her on the couch.

Spencer groaned.

"I love the exercise, although frankly, you were looking a _little_ frail already, and you're doing so great with your job, and I don't want to mess with this new person you're turning into, because she kicks _ass_, but - "

"But _what_?" Spencer said.

"But you haven't hung out with any of the group in a _month_ and we _miss_ you!" Hanna said accusatorily.

_A month_? Spencer thought. _Had it really been a whole month? _She tried to think of the last time she had seen Aria, or Caleb, or Maya, and she simply couldn't. Hannna must have asked her ten times to come out with the group to Lime Rack or to Aria's and Ezra's for dinner, but she had been so busy in the office, or committed to her jogging, or purely exhausted, that she had turned her down every time.

"It's because you don't want to see Toby," Spencer pressed on, with the condescending air of a psychiatrist giving a diagnosis to a patient. "I get that, and I know. Go cold turkey on Toby, and you'll stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about him, and you'll stop the Toby cravings. It's a classic defensive mechanism."

"Who are you, my shrink?" shot back Spencer. "So what if I've been busy?"

"Busy, huh?" said Hanna skeptically. "You keep telling yourself that. Meanwhile, we live in a _very_ small town and you're going to run into him eventually. It's called simple inevitability. That, or it's called next time I go out with the group I'm dragging your bony ass along with me. And when you finally do see Toby, and when you realise that avoiding him isn't going to solve the problem, I hope you'll allow me to say _I told you so_."

And with a final meaningful glance, Hanna swept out of the room, slamming the door behind her with a flourish.

And as it turned out, Hanna's warning quickly came true. Through fate, destiny, or, as Spencer saw it, pure bad luck, she ran – quite literally – into Toby, three days later.

* * *

It was any other ordinary night. And it was exercise, that unusual defensive mechanism that had sprung up on both sides, that brought them together.

It was quite simple, truly unpoetic: Spencer was jogging, he was bouncing his ball at a run. Both were listening to music (the same song, although none of them ever discovered that particular clichéd coincidence).

Both their heads were down. He was scrolling through his phone. She was watching her feet pound rhythmically on the pavement, running unintentionally to the beat of her song. He had a drop of sweat between his eyes, in the same spot where he used to get that adorable crinkle. Her cheeks were pink with exertion.

Perhaps if one of them had looked up a few steps earlier, or if each wasn't so absorbed in their music, the collision could have been avoided. As it happened, though, several things occurred at once. The two figures banged shoulders awkwardly, and Spencer burst out with an expletive-laden admonishment. Toby's phone fell out of his hand onto the road and promptly split its screen in two, while Spencer rubbed her bare shoulder with a look of deepest loathing at her assailant.

And slowly, timorously, each person recognised the other. An awkward pause, and then –

"Since when do you _jog_?" Toby asked loudly, and the volume of his exclamation rent the silence of the last month apart.

"Since when do you incapacitate innocent pedestrians?" returned Spencer, still rubbing her arm, but she was smiling.

Toby exhaled a deep breath of air, and started laughing weakly. It suddenly felt like he'd been holding his breath for a month. Spencer laughed nervously too.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and his blue eyes pierced hers. He placed his hand on Spencer's shoulder, where she had been rubbing before. He looked down at her, with that concerned, wide-eyed look only he could manage to convey. She automatically took a small step backwards, out of his reach. She broke off the eye contact.

"Oh. Um, yeah," Toby began. Everything felt awkward again. "Look, sorry about that. Before, I mean. I didn't see you. You came out of nowhere. You know, I haven't seen you in a month, Spencer, but it seems like everybody else has. How are you?"

He said this all very fast, in a breathless voice.

"Oh, I'm fine!" said Spencer airily. "Just working, you know. Emily's doing great. Hanna's fine. Yesterday we repainted the deck, it was looking a little scuffed, and tomorrow night we were thinking of cooking paella, it's supposed to be pretty difficult, but Hanna's determined because she tasted it once in New York, so it'll be interesting to see how that goes. Oh, and Mona– remember Mona? – well, she came back for about a minute, and _that_ was a total disaster, so - "

She giggled shrilly, then broke off confusedly, unable to remember what question she was answering. She looked into Toby's concerned eyes.

"I'm doing okay, thanks," she said honestly.

"I'm okay, too," Toby said quietly.

They stared at each other. Spencer could hear the crickets chirping in the background. It was getting really dark now. The sight must have looked strange to passers-by: two late-night joggers gazing fixedly into each other's eyes. But Spencer couldn't pull her eyes away. She drank in Toby's appearance, making up for the month she had been without it. His hair was a little longer. His eyes, though usually somewhat squinty, were wide with worry, or sadness, perhaps.

A strand of hair had fallen into Spencer's eyes, and Toby desperately wanted to push it back behind her ear. He wanted to touch Spencer's shoulder where it hurt, and thought madly that he would like to kiss it better. She looked better than he remembered. Perhaps it was just perspiration from the jog, but she looked glowing, somehow. Ethereal.

And as if by default, he looked down at her legs, and with an inward groan he realised he had never seen her in such skimpy running shorts.

"You know, I really don't understand why you're jogging. Your legs are looking even more chicken-y than usual, Spencer," he murmured without thinking.

Immediately, the atmosphere broke. Spencer grimaced. The old phrase hit her like a ton of bricks. She took another step back. She felt guilty for some reason, like a child who knows it is doing something punishable. Like she was dirty all over. Suddenly, she wanted to be anywhere else except there, on the pavement. Anywhere away from Toby.

"I should get going," she said coldly.

"Wait," said Toby. "I'm sorry, Spence. Look, I'm really sorry. That came out wrong. I never should have said that."

"You're right, you shouldn't have," Spencer said, breathing hard. It was like she was looking at Toby for the first time. "You know, we're not in high school anymore, Tobes. We're not the same people we were back then. You've made _that_ embarrassingly clear. So you don't have the right to say that to me. Because now, you've got Cassidy to get back to."

"Spencer - " Toby said desperately. But Spencer was on a roll.

"You know, I haven't _seen_ you in so long because every time I do, you somehow manage to remind me about our past. And just right now, while I'm trying to get over our history, while you're planning your wedding with your _new_ fiancée, – who's just about the complete opposite of me, by the way, thanks for that - I could do without the constant reminders of who we used to be, okay?"

Toby looked dumbstruck. Spencer couldn't stop.

"So how about next time we both stick to the right side of the path. That way we never have to see each other again."

"But… what if we're going in the same direction?" Toby asked.

"We're never going in the same direction again, Toby," Spencer said forcefully. "Not anymore."

"Spencer - "

"Go home to your _fiancée_, Toby," Spencer said. Wordlessly, she picked up Toby's broken phone, thrust it roughly into his hands, and left the way she came.

* * *

**Review. What do you think? I know you guys have alot of questions for me to answer, but they'll be answered in the next few chapters. I decided to make Spencer live with Hanna and Caleb, instead of having her own apartment, and I wanted to tell you guys that Spoby will be endgame. Chase will appear in the next chapter or two I don't know and I'll explain why Cassidy's jealous and doesn't like Spencer either in the next few chapters, and how she became friends with the girls. **

**-Sierra Keough**


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